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imaginathon

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I think I want to title this post: Seasons Whiches

When you return after a long break there are thousand and one things to talk about. But some things take priority over others. So here's whiching you a Happy Diwali and here's whening you all a very Happy Eid too :D


All those who have been waiting for a good time to hit on that Muslim girl in your school/college who won't look at you from the corner of her scarf, waiting for your auspicious stars to align (or atleast for the crescent of the moon to become visible), and frantically searching for Eid shayaris the last minute to send it her way thereby shooting up my sitemeter, here's a quick outlink: Kashif Hoda's page on Eid shayaris.

It's difficult to come out of a long hiatus. You have this mega blog-post writing itself over and over in your head before the next news cycle comes and goes leaving a wreckage of new words and thoughts in its wake.

Before you get yourself immersed in work nosedeep.

Before someone in some corner of globe screws up and decides to make life more difficult for everyone.

Before The Dumb One decides to come up with another of his gems (“[I] define success or failure as whether or not the Iraqis will be able to defend themselves. I define success or failure as whether schools are being built or hospitals are being opened. I define success or failure as whether we’re seeing a democracy grow in the heart of the Middle East" - moronic f**ker of idiotic proportions, The Chump can't even decide what he wants to redefine).

Before you think you've seen all of Dylan there is to see, and out of nowhere one more genius recording pops up out of nowhere keeping you entranced for days (ping me if you want to go down yondering Puerto Rico).

Before you took a surprise liking to totally electronic rad punk-goth music you never thought you would like at the Austin City Limits. Before you pulled over at grocery store parking lot and engulfed in the live awesomeness of Van Morrison's "Gloria". If there is ever (is there?) a compilation of "Best Live Music", this ranks up there right next to genius that was Johnny Cash live at Folsolm Prison.

Before you realise every new day, brings with it a ban on some hitherto unimaginable things of everyday nothingness. Ban on moisture, ban on spinach, ban on bread-spread Vegemite, ban on American kho-kho, ban on this and ban on that; and soon you are wondering hey whatever happened to the post about Idiocracy you were supposed to write. In some twisted over-the-top bathroom-humour fashion it's really a future depiction of what America will turn amount to in near future if left unchecked. That probably explains why Fox doesn't want you to see it and exactly the reason I took a chance on my $8 and came out laughing and notlaughing both at the same time.

So you have all these things going over on the side and you keep shifting the topic of your comeback post, all in your head. Waiting for the next good free day to blog it all. And one day, after too many similar days have passed, you decide to take a quick peek at your blog, and you see someone "whiching you a happy eid" throwing you into bottomless pits of uncontrolled laughter and forcing you to write whatever the hell you can manage to string together from your backup memory while simultaneously calling friends and relatives all over, whiching them their share of greetings, while also helping out (or atleast pretending to help) The Beghum in preparing sheerkhurma and sweets.

This blog ain't dead yet :)

Till then,
Happy Witching!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

A million broken hearts: Rumours of Area man eloping with Area girl found true

© Associated Mess


Bombay - Rumours of local area man Suhail Kazi about to elope with one local area girl have been confirmed true by various local news agencies Wednesday. However there is no official word yet from the man himself and repeated attempts to reach him over email or phone by our local correspondent failed.


When the news first broke out thousands of flickering hearts, who had crush on this Calvin of a man went into collective national grieving. A few who couldn't bear the shock have been hospitalised and admitted to ER. Doctors are constantly monitoring the quality of their heart beats. Google's search zeitgeist has been swamped with searches originating from India that are overwhelmingly similar to "sad dukh bhare ghazals" and "dil tootne ki shayari". If the situation is not brought under control in the next few days, chances are that for the first time in it's history Google might run out of result pages to serve all the incesssant "Next" clicks.

Reactions have been coming in thick and fast, ranging from the broken hearted to the outright violent outbursts.

"It's all over", sobbed Fatima, 25 (name changed) from Chinchpokli (place changed) as she concluded "How can he do that without so much as dropping a hint?" (while we are at it, quoted text also changed). On asking whether she had ever met Suhail or conveyed her feelings she replied in the negative. Similar are the strange stories of thousands of other jilted girls from all over the country who blame him for playing with their hearts. It is too early to guess how exactly such a situation first came into being. Some of these girls have started unionising, protesting under the banner of "Dukhtaraan-e-millat" and planning to start an online petition in a last ditch attempt to dissuade him from taking the plunge. The influential ones are pulling strings at AIMPLB and AIWMPLB to intervene in this matter and some are generally threatening to "show him" when he shows up (actually some of his long time friends are also threatening to "show him" for keeping it a secret, but since this post posits itself as a serious article hence we shd immediately come out of offtopic parentheses). Some spurned beauties have even crossed beyond the bad news acceptance cycle of 'shock, grief, acceptance, move on' and have turned violent resorting to guns and whatnot. They are out there on the streets in an attempt to track down the runaway couple and we have no idea what they plan to do next.

Wrinkle-foreheaded aunties who have been eyeing Suhail in social gatherings and marriages in the last few years and uncles with balding plates who have been tracking his job moves with the sole intention of setting him up with their eligible daughters were surprised to hear this news. "I was waiting for him to return from Austin, but who knew he had his own plans in place", lamented Abdul Kader Chiplunkar, obviously missing the catch by two nautical miles. "But he is a fine man, I wish him all the best", he added, before he proceeded towards the seas to catch some shrimps for the day. Mariam Gondhlekar, 53, mother of Mehjabeen (27), hailing from Ratnagiri now working as a teacher in Andheri (all details changed) recounted in Eastman colour how she ran into him once when he dropped by into the ladies section in a marriage ceremony searching for his mom. She recalled, "I enquired about his studies. He was six years old and looked so chubby-cute then in his favorite blue shirt. I wonder if he even remembers tricking my little Mehjee into giving her share of falooda icecream by pointing her to an airplane in the sky which was never there". Mehjee, who is now all grown up, standing by her mom's side managed to give us a smile even as she continued gazing an empty pale gaze -- this time to the Gods up there in heavens.

The news first started doing the rounds through several blogger friends. "I suspected he was onto something when he started using too much shayari in his emails", suspected one such friend who wishes to remain anonymouse; "When I asked him, "dude what's up?" he simply replied, "nothing Yunus and winked back"". Some friends who hacked into his gmail and Blogger account found several draft messages with the subject lines such as "Thank you SMS technology", "Five ways to run away with future wifey" and an attachment that included a txt file called myownshers.txt. Another close friend confided "Suhail has been searching for Qazis who can run through a nikaah on the fly. He told me he was doing a story for his blog on such rent-a-Qazis after encountering similar searches on his statsmeter; but who knew he was collecting this info for himself".

This plan of eloping has entirely flummoxed both the families as none of them had objected to the marriage anyways, preparations for which have been going on for quite sometime. There has been no reaction from any of them so far as they have been reduced to muted open-mouthed gapeness. Though Shiv Sena shakha pramukh Raju, and area karta-dharta Haji Ghani from Teesri Galli, have taken it upon themselves to look into the matter.

The news is being received with mixed reactions in some other quarters. President of Bachelors Unanimous Club, Waahid Eklaa says, "He was a key member of this club. Though he hated participating in our ever-popular KeepApartmentSmelly, PileUpDirtyDishesInSink and wearyourshoesallthewayuptobed activities, he was the most active member of our sms-at-2am, keepLoggingInAndOutOfGmail, goInvisibleOnY!Msger clubs, as well as the founding member of our tricks-to-make-your-lentils-taste-different-everyday egroup. He also had this uncanny ability to write long emails peppered with (boring) shayaris, a disease hitherto unknown to bachelor species". Waahid thinks that though this news might affect the morale of existing members in the short term, and will result in unfortunate removal of the world's best egg-burjhee from the palate of dishes served in future club events, but it will have no negative impact on the growth of the 30 crore strong club that receives new membership applications by the truckloads.

A. Jilani, Secretary of Bombay chapter of the Now Cometh The Camel Under The Mountain club -- recently renamed from its Hindi translation -- greeted this news with open arms in an advance potluck party thrown Sunday to mark the ocassion. Three married fellows once again abused that cliched line, "Every man should get married once. After all happiness is not the only thing" behind their wife's backs. Everybody partook the same buffet lunch they've been having every third boring Sunday of the month.

Given the random unpredictable nature of this man clubbed with his tendency to keep playing pranks, it remains to be seen how this ends in the next few days. However for sure those thousand broken hearts ain't got no luck left behind. We found clinching evidence at his apartment, where true to his software skillz, as a memento he left behind a patch update to be applied on all bodies affected by this news.

Tagged: Truthinest? Partially? Humour? Suckage? Lame? Eh! Heh! Hah! Teeehoooo!!!
See also:
Area man in Delhi for two days.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Delhi, help me get this dictionary

I will be in Delhi on 7th and 8th May. Can you help me find the foll. that I've been desperately looking for?

It's an Urdu-to-Urdu dictionary (& maybe English too?). In urdu 'dictionary' is called 'Lughat'. The name is either Mohazzabul-Lughat or it is of the form, Lughat-e-dashdash or dashdash-e-Lughat, something like that. But chances are, the title includes the word 'Lughat'. I saw it few years back in a book fair in Bombay, but I was a miskeen student then (and 25 paise xerox from Chembur for stupid copy-paste assignments eats up all your pocket money, even though everybody knows we can do without them). Methinks it was from a Delhi publisher. Multiple enquiries in Bombay bookshops has returned nothing. Since then it has been there on my to-buy list.

It's a set of 12 (10? 15?) hard-bound volumes. Each book is quite thick and heavy. Has a classy timeless make and feel to it. The outer cover is probably black with golden border or navy-blue with maroon border patterns....that kind of a book. The kind of binding you see on encyclopedias, law books or WorldBank reports kept in the library corner. What's special about this dictionary? For each word - or atleast most words - there is an Urdu sher (verse) that goes with it. You can make out from my description that all the details are a bit hazy, but for this sher-o-shayari part. I have already tortured two friends over it, but they haven't met lady Luck yet; so deciding to throw this out in the vast wide web hoping that the Internet will do its job.

So come on all you Delhi peoples, deep down in your heart you know you've been waiting for such an opportunity to score brownie points over Bombay ever since you had your fourth Happy Birthday party. You don't want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance to finally settle the argument with a visiting Bombayite how cool Dilli is, do you? Step out, use your skillz to zip through city using the world's best metro, named after Delhi as Delhi Metro, and point me to that hole-in-the-wall in Urdu Bazaar or bookmall in poshville where can I buy this.

Even otherwise, despite shamelessly sitting on your lazy behinds and not feeling an iota of remorse for not helping me get this dictionary, feel free to ping me on kazionline ATwhatevergibberishpeoplehavestartedputtinghereAT gmail DOT com, preferably with your contact number, if you can justify wasting investing some of your precious time with me on any of these two days. It's a hectic schedule, so I can't confirm for sure as of now; but I do have plans to meet some friends and bloggers, so probably can setup some time on the fly. From my side I promise I'll desperately attempt to fake my way through to appear more all-knowing and less boring than the impression you've formed about me from reading this blawhg.

Thankoo.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Jesus loves You Too?

The Guardian's Culture Vulture blog has a good piece speculating Bono's chances of making it to the Papacy considering how U2's music is being picked up at some churches. But that's just the tip of the iceberg compared to the comments that are a laugh-riot. Sample these :

- The problem with Jesus Christ is that he thinks he's Bono. ~ Father No
- According to certain Baptist ministers in the US Bible Belt, if you play U2 albums backwards, they sound all f****d up. ~ Father No
- Who's the guy in the little white hat next to Bono? ~ Bishop Basher

Do read it. Even some of the anti-Bono hate comments are well articulated and are a cause for much merriment.[1]

No such doubts for our very own Sheikh Gawker. He is the new prophet and he ain't laughing coz one of his rare true stories was parodied, cartooned and done to death in Saudi Arabia.[2]

Anyways, the Guardian thread for whatever reasons reminded me of BBC's endearing R.I.Ps, where they give a loving farewell to things and events of the daily mundane. eg: This ode to Mars chocobars or Kent cricket ground's Fallen Tree. The comments in them are almost always ultra-funny pithy one-liners taking them to an altogether different level. (There you go, again, my productive 30 mins)

God bless the Brits. I sometimes wonder in amazement, how could a people as good-natured, erudite, fun-hearted and with such endearing funny accents as Brits could rule half the world by force (I know, I know it's a sweeping generalisation, but still..you know like.... ummm whatever).

In some other weirld news, your McD drive-thru orders are now taken at a call-center located miles away -- cool down fanboy, it's still inside US -- and then relayed over the intarwebs back to the kitchen. Next they are coming up with an automated system wherein you just speak your fatso order into the dumb machine, and if your burger is not ready in 5-mins, then you'll be able to simply dial a 1-888-McD-HELP number from the drive-thru help booth located nearby and enter your 15 digit password to wait 15 mins while cheapo poor man's Mozart plays in the background, whereupon pressing 3-2-0 will take you to a customer service agent who can take your complaint and track any discrepancies if your French fries were not brown enough. As you can clearly see, this will give a whole new purpose and meaning to mankind's already shallow and empty (stomach) existence.

Perhaps, given that it's a NYT article, many of you would readily dismiss it as some kinda sensational truthism. But let me assure you that you have no reason to suspect what I just found while searching for my tickets back to Maatrbhoomi. It seems the Onion guys sent in their bunch of investigatve journalists and l@@k what they scooped out: Our desi Air India will now offer Business Caste Seating. Read their comprehensive ground-breaking 6-part report -- before it appears on TOI tomorrow next to a Gurucharan Das piece -- on how Praful Patel and his high-society buddies will benefit at the expense of tax-payer's money.

And even as I type this, American news channels are competing to announce that World Prez Bush's approval ratings are marching to a steady beat, up from an abysmal 51.5% last year to an impressive career highest at 32% - a first for any American President. His spinmeisters are going dungho that this time they will leave 'no stone unturned' (now available in a rephrased shiny four-word packaging "No Ground Left Behind"), even as on his way up he waved past by the wimpy Dohmocrats hung at a lowly 48%. Eh? Now when did that happen? One insider from inside the Beltway commented, "This President office has been so active in reforms and putting America back into the future. Never in the history of any Presidency have we seen such a massive engagement by the peoples of America in the day to day running of the nation so early into the term. He has woken us all from our deep slumber. He is The One" (ofcourse, Bono, Keanu Reeves and some Latinos won't agree) The Dohmocrats, never the ones to be flying high for long, are chalking out a strategy to turn the tables and beat the Prez in this freefall game. Across the Atlantic, entire Iran and much of mid-East erupted in joy to celebrate this long awaited piece of good news. This was evident in the 21-cannon honorary salute given to welcome IAEA into their nukulear facilities by Mahmoud 'Holocaust-is-a-truth' Ahmadinejad and his friends. Impressed by this show of camaraderie, Prez. Bush in a reciprocative gesture announced the diversion of billions of dollars earmarked for edumacation of American children towards supplying all Iranian kids with their first experience of fully democratized and independent parent-free orphaned life. A life free of past troubles, free from worries of the future. It doesn't get any more freedom-er than this. Brit PM Blair is expected to join with a "Yes" anytime soon in this good deed.

And when it's good news all around, can Pakistan be far behind? To mark the birth anniversary of Prophet Mohammed, a family welfare organisation in Karachi has decided to adopt 57 (as of this writing) homeless people and rehabilitate them in a shelter for the rest of their lives. If all goes as per plan that number can shoot well above one hundred.

Recently a friend uttered a nugget of wisdom on chat, which seems like a good ending for this post. He said, "I sit and think. Sometimes, I just sit".

Saturday, April 08, 2006

In the last one year

1. We completed one year of clogging the Internet's drainage pipes and watering Larry and Sergey's lawns. Should we yippee-yay? or should we nay?

2. We won $omething for writing this writeup, proceeds of which we donated. We felt a wee bit goodie for doing our thing for World Peace.

3. We also received one anonymous sweet little thing from one of our closet admirers, asking for, gasp! ahem.. our hand in marriage. A looong and terrific email dropped in our Inbox around the same time probably from the same(?) person. Being a Kazi ourself we don't know how to respond to such notes. Also, you see, we don't do nikaahs over the e-webs. Anonymous admirer(s) whoever you are, if you are reading this, let's just say this much: Thanks, but no thanks. hic!

4. We realised quite recently the exacto-preciso usage of the appendums 'sic'. One keeps learning, our mom says. Yes, we do have a suitably embarassed expression on our face to show for it. Otoh, we are also thinking of asking partial refunds from our school. But Miss D'Costa wouldn't be too pleased if she knows the heights of arrogantism we could reach. Also, she was charming and we cannot ever do such a thing to her. However we also have mixed feelings about so many thousands of pupils, even brighter and smarter than us, who are still out there in the wrong woods. "O' ye Quingleesh, where thee hiding, when we seeketh thou". So that others can learn from our mistakes, the good samaritans that we are, we hereby put forth a proposal for an activism group called, 'Save Teh Sics', something on the lines of Apostrophe Protection Society. How's the idea ye fellow cloggers?

5. Oh, and we also managed to complete one year of stay in Austin. Don't ask how we completed two one-years together in one one-year period. But we know it means that tis the time to be coming back to Motherland and soak ourselves in Bombay's pleasantly sunny weather. Enjoy a ride in the 6pm Virar local passing through the scenic Mahim-Bandra belt, or simply immerse ourselves in the neato bylanes of Kalbadevi. Lots of travelling to do and many blog friends and other people interacted over email needs to be face-putted-on, and celebratory rath-yaatras arranged by AdmirersAnonymous societies in our honours to be blessed with our eternal graceness. More details of our tripping to come later. (AA from 3. above, we don't know you from Adam's Eve and have no idea who and where you are, but we are open to a meet if you the interested. not in that way. simply justa meet ?)

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Celebration-e-Mehdi Hasan

My new pal, Mohib Ahmad, maintains an aweseome Urdu poetry website, Aligarians. He's gradually building up a huge collection of Urdu shayars, ghazals, their translations, popular renditions of these ghazals sung by famous singers and - to me this is the best part - recitals of these shers in the poet's own voice, sometimes with videos. The wah-wahs and subhanallahs in live mushairas just make it so much more better (eg: chk out this video of Khumar Barabankvi reciting "ek pal mein ek sadi ka maza").

Every few days Aligarians.com has a special series on one particular artist. This time it's Jashn-e-Mehdi Hassan, famous Pakistani ghazal singer, from 1-15 April 2006. A fortnight of beautiful ghazals and nazms sung by him. Don't miss the Flash radio player on the sidebar where he posts a new composition everyday.

If you are into sher-o-shayaris do take a look at the site and while you are at it, write him a note of thanks.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Do It For The Kids

If you are lucky to be in Austin and if you switch to KLRU on your TV tonight then somewhere in the background you might just be able to catch The Kazi Boy. Others please find and support your local PBS station.

So what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and call the toll-free number on your screen now to pledge your support.

We are working late to serve you better!!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Lawrence of Arabia

Out of the very many NGC, PBS documentaries I so voraciously consume, every once in a while I come across a particular documentary which literally blows me away with its sheer brilliance. This PBS documentary about British officer T.E. Lawrence was one of them.

Once Upon A Time
The story starts with young Lawrence's first journey to Syria as an undergraduate student of Oxford exploring remains of castles and historical archives. Soon after graduation he accepts a job as an archeologist and returns to Carchemish, Syria. He has already established his reputation as a wanderer and historian by walking hundreds of miles across deserts and interacting with Arab communities. Working alongside local Arabs recruited as labourers at the excavation site he starts getting more and more involved with Arab culture and its people. Dressed up in Arab attire he cuts a rather cute figure. Here he befriended a waterboy, Dahoum, an Arab whom he trained as his photographic assistant and learnt Arabic from him. There is speculation -- you saw it coming, didn't you? -- that they shared an active gay relationship (What's up with these historic figures in that almost everyone seems to have some kind of hidden skeletons? Let's not go there, which I am sure is a matter of great import and a source of bread-and-butter for historians).

During this time he learns about resentment brewing in the Arab ranks towards the Turks who governed them. Around the same time, someplace else, European nations are planning for the First World War. Britain, France and Allied nations are preparing to launch an attack on Turkey from the west, whereas Germany wants Turk's alliance in exchange promising them arms and to develop trade routes(esp. railways). As all great historic events come to pass, this route, the Hejaz railway by coincidence falls alongside Lawrence's excavation site. This is about to mark Lawrence's role as link between the West and Arabs. He starts documenting each and every other thing about this project in great detail.

The Arab Revolt Against Turks
On commencement of World War I, with his two brothers joining the British army, Lawrence too lands a gig with the British military's intelligence division in Cairo (his archeologist position affording him a convenient legitimate front). He starts off by sending notes and photographs about the rly project as well as surmising the Arab geo-political scene. As he grows in stature, he is deputed to work with the Arabs and help in an Arab uprising to destabilize the Turkish enemy. The agreement between British and Arabs here being, that after the war the Arabs will get independent rule on their own land. It is here that Lawrence's experience comes handy. He meets Arab leaders with his proposal and gains their confidence, Emir Faisal in particular, to revolt against the Turks. Some tribal historians say his on-the-ground role in the actual revolt alongside Arab forces was limited to beng a technical expert in improvised exploding device(IEDs) helping to blow up Turkish military supply trains and raiding their outposts. But it's clear that he's much more than that. To the Arab leaders he was the British liaison officer, and one amongst them, who supplied them gold and guns. To the British generals back home, he was their eyes and ears, dressed in military green on the Arab scene. Simply stated, this role fit him like a glove. All the while Lawrence maintains a personal account -- and going by the excerpts in this DVD, there is no doubt that he was an excellent writer and a story teller -- which is later to become his autobiography, 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom - A Triumph'.

The Arabs go on to win some regional battles against Turks. However things are not hunky dory as The Empire wishes. France, the proverbial bone-in-the-burger (kebab mein haddi) won't let the British have it all. They claim their slice of the Middle-East pizza. So they set out to do what nations did best during war times. Carve out a secret deal with the British. The British, ever the shrewd opportunist made a deal, the Sykes-Picot agreement in which they totally ignored the agreement with Arabs (made via Lawrence). This news of British two-timing gradually leaks out to Lawrence throwing him up in a dilemma. At once he decides to write up a protest letter. However he fears that disclosing this news to his Arab hosts might bring down the curtains on the revolt. He never delivers the letter and continues working with Arabs in their war. The Arabs are on fire and they can't smell the smoke.

Betrayal
At this point we are told - largely based on his own autobiography - that Lawrence believed he could fulfill his promises to Arabs despite the secret deal. He reasons that if the Arabs could win Aqaba followed by Damascus then he could still cut a deal for them. However I am a bit inclined to believe (and perhaps I am incorrect, but when did that stopped a man from having uninformed hunches?, so pls correct me if you know better), that at best Lawrence was a cunning diplomat, and a military officer simply serving his masters keeping up his pretence of alliance. That this grand delusion that Lawrence had built up in his head about ensuring an independent Arab state was nothing but perhaps his own romanticism of potential heroism given the pivotal role he's playing, mixed with an attempt to lie to himself so as to mask his guilt for betraying the Arabs. He writes, "I had to join the [British] conspiracy".

Fastforward into the war, Arabs with Lawrence and support of other Arab tribes (Auda in particular; his granddaughter is interviewed in the film) go on to win Aqaba and Damascus. Parallely on the western front Jerusalem falls into Britisher's laps and Lawrence joins them in the celebration. All the while Arabs under Emir Faisal's leadership, naive as they were then, are counting on British to keep their word. But the bitter truth has to be ultimately disclosed. The Arabs make a disgraceful retreat from Damascus with their tails between their legs ("haath tau aaya, muunh na laga"). There will be no Arab state, atleast not with Palestine in it. And it is here, once again, that Lawrence tries to look the other side. For a man who wrote in extreme detail about each and every event of his journey leading to the war and beyond, one who meticulously described and photographed each castle, rock or rivulet he came across, for someone who was Faisal's translator during this historic meeting -- for a man of such impeccable credentials, is it merely surprising that he makes no mention of this most important moment? That his only remark about the event is, "I was too exhausted"? So even if we are to believe that he was in some sense sympathetic to the Arab cause due to his closen relations with Prince Faisal -- and there is ample evidence of that too -- he didn't speak when it mattered most.

That said, to his credit, after the war Lawrence went on to write articles pushing forward the Arab stand. However since popular opinion is against him, the papers started editing his letters. Perhaps a reminder to all of us that history is written by the victorious. That it's not as cut-and-dried as we'd like to think. He did make a final attempt to get Prince Faisal into Paris Peace Conference in 1919, however nobody would give them a hearing. The Europeans were then busy making peace with Germans at the end of WW-I, and an independent Arab state was not even a blip on their radar. As a way of displaying his anger and resentment, he also refused a medallion of honour or two awarded to him by the British military. This caught the attention of then Colonial minister, a certain Winston Churchill. (God bless his quotilicious soul).

Laurels for Lawrence
Now comes the most surprising part. While all this is happening, nobody outside the establishment knows much about Lawrence. Like thousands of others, he is yet another distinguished British military officer who performed his duties. He is simply T.E.Lawrence.

Trust an American journalist to fill the gap. Enter journalist, and filmmaker Lowell Thomas. Soon after the Jerusalem win, he filmed Lawrence over several days in Sheikh Faisal's desert camp, in Arab costume, riding horses and camels, meeting Arab leaders..he taped it all. A plastic war shot on film for mass consumption. He's now suddenly transformed and thrust onto the global stage as "Lawrence - The Uncrowned King Of Arabia". The movie Thomas made became hugely popular, so much so that British foreign office starts fearing for Lawrence's life (since Turks are after him, and amazingly they don't know how he looks like). However like most of us, while basking in his new found popularity Lawrence is not all comfortable with it. Thomas remarked about Lawrence, "He had a genius for backing into the limelight".

The End
For the rest of his life Lawrence kept on moving between several defence jobs including one at Royal Air Force. As an advisor to Churchill he was involved in 1921 Cairo conference, where as a consolation Prince Faisal finally got Iraq and his brother Abdullah got Jordan. Towards his very end, Lawrence went into a shell. He took up a holiday home and gradually shut off communication with the outside world ("from now on, I'll write fewer letters", he replied to those who wrote him). His house had a Greek (or Latin? or somesuchthing) inscription that read "Don't care".

This five foot something with a huge history chip on his shoulders, had a rather flippant ending in a road accident. Trying to avoid two cyclists while doing 100kmph on his motorbike (apparently he loved speeding), Lawrence finally said goodbye and set out on the last of his journeys.

maut ne zamane ko yeh sama dikha dala
kaise kaise rustom ko khaakh main mila dala
yaad rakh Sikander ke hausle to aali they
jab gaya tha duniya se dono haath khali they
~ From the Qawwali, "Chadhta Sooraj dhereey dheerey" by Aziz Nazan.


About the documentary
Two experts in the documentary that I want to point out are biographer Suleiman Moussa, and ex-foreign minister of Jordan Kamel Abu Jaber. Sometimes 'experts' in documentaries can sound quite boring and a bit too academic. Not these men. The speak their heart out with passion and authority. And everytime they come on screen, they bring a certain energy into the whole mix. Especially Suleiman Moussa with his hands waving all over and enacting the events to us as if it's all happening right in front of him. Watch out where Moussa says, "Damaaascus whaas the praaiz" -- the million-dollar glint in his eyes, and a sudden ecstatic shift in his tone is simply priceless. He totally draws you in. Put a beard on Mousa and he could very well be my grandfather. All this is set to a pitch-perfect warlike background score and a heavy deep-throated narration. The documentary also has some excellent B&W photographs and 10fps jumpy-skippy footage of WW-I. Mix all this together and the finaly pkg you get is nothing short of excellent!

Further Reading
Comprehensive PBS Resource on Lawrence of Arabia.
Seven Pillars of Wisdom : A Triumph -- Lawrence's autobiography
Wikipedia on Lawrence and a good site for photos: both, his photos as well as photos taken by him.

To end this, I'll just say that if you are in the US and don't watch PBS regularly, you are losing out quite a lot. It's a free-to-air channel so you don't need outrageous $60p.m. cable connection and it's fully viewer-supported. And it has zero or very v.minimal ads in the programs . What more could you ask for! I will perhaps write a separate post about PBS and the public library system here. There is a lot to be said about these two great institutions.

ps: As I finish wrapping up this post I have an email from PBS to volunteer for their pledge drive coming Sunday. I am definitely going to land up there, and will write up a post on that experience too.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Out and about town - SXSW

Fustofall, a lightning photograph that I was lucky to capture from my aptmt. Not perfect, but come on guys it's lightning we're talking here.

Last night I went to check out some South by Southwest live music. The good thing about live music, as I discovered after having listened to a few in the past here, is that even the crappiest band can come across quite decent. The good ones come across extra-good. So we were in downtown listening to an assortment of bands that came to Austin from all over the place for the music fest.

a) No name American band: Overall good music. One of their tracks went like:
~!@d$%#r^&*u#$#m@%#^#s*$#g!@u*#i!#%t!@a~!#@r#*
~!@d$%#r^&*u#$#m@%#^#s*$#g!@u*#i!#%t!@a~!#@r#*
away..away.
away..away.
~!@d$%#r^&*u#$#m@%#^#s*$#g!@u*#i!#%t!@a~!#@r#*
~!@d$%#r^&*u#$#m@%#^#s*$#g!@u*#i!#%t!@a~!#@r#*

b) The Longcut, UK: These guys were the bestest of all. No smalltalk between numbers. No testing..no ding-dong. Forty straight minutes of pure genious on guitar and drums. The mp3s don't do justice to their rockaliveous performance. But if you like rock, you must absolutely check out "A Last Act of Desperate Men" and "The Latenight Bus" in that order.

c) Division of Laura Lee, Sweden: As much as I hoped it not to be, the inherent hollowness of this band's name found its way into their music. They were some kind of shit metal band. I don't listen metal, plus they were too much in the nakhra dept. One of those bands which tries too hard to get the audience on the edge by continously asking, "so guys, how's it going? you enjoying, ha? eff you!". Now if your music is good you can pull it off. If you are bad it comes back to hit in your face. One of their stupid tracks was supposed to go like:

Lead motu vocals(groaning): Do you love me? do you love me?
Crowd + sidie singers : Yeah we love you! Hell! we love you.


Instead, it went like this:

Lead motu vocals(groaning): Do you love me? do you love me?
Crowd: (silent and
like huh?!?.....)
Sidie singers(moaning): Yeah we love you! Hell! we love you.


As you can see it was quite a hilarious BackBroking gay party up on stage for those five minutes. At the end of it all the leads guy got so frustrated, as a last face-saving attempt he faked a pseduo-show of crashing his guitar. Too bad even that he wasn't able to pull off. Everybody in the audience saw that behind the speakers kept on the stage he meticulously loosened the strings and unplugged the chords. They exited rather unceremoniously.

d) Rock-n-Roll Soldiers, Oregon: John Lennon's ghost will come back in a flowing Surf-ki-safedi white gown from his New York grave and stage a candle-light protest with Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono outside the White House if you told him that this group of punksters call themselves rock-n-roll. However if you discount the genre identity issues, their music -- all rock, no roll -- was quite good given that all the dudes looked like they were just out of high school. Whatever they lacked in music and work-experience they more than made up for it in the 'ooomph' dept. The lead vocals was a Chinese or Japanese dude(there, that itself is +10 on the hipster scale), fully Americanised by having his jeans torn down at the knees to show his uber-punkness(+2). One guitarist dude was lefty. Leftists are always cool(+3). The third guitarist wore a wrist band like Ejaz Ahmed(+1). Their album is called, "So many musicians to kill"(+15, we all know there are so many bad musicians out there). The drummer I thought was acting a bit too much, what with his eyes and mouth wide open throughout. But to his credit he justified the labor pains his mother underwent by actually crashing out his drums for real and threw the sticks around at the end(+5). If you consider the number of yuppie dudettes falling all over them after the show as a measure of success I guess they were the winners.

So that was my weekend.

If you are a Torrent Nazi, you can now choke your hard disks with clean legal copies of all the music from all the bands played throughout the week(either full songs or samples) from SXSW music fest here.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

My fatwa beats the hell out of your fatwa


Tis the fatwa season and we Kazis, muftis are charging overtime. Even before the last fatwa goes on the wire and outta the presses, a new one pops up from nowhere. You gotta give them some love, these freshly minted Muslim brothers who keep on egging and prodding the moulvis with leading questions. This one's brought to you by the good guys (sometimes also referred as pseudos). And since it's pretty difficult to get photographs of such events I just sketched out one myself. From Rediff:
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A 'fatwa' against terrorists attacking places of worship


A leading 400-year-old Islamic seminary, the Darul-Ifta Firangai Mahal on Monday issued a 'fatwa' against terrorists targeting places of worship and killing innocent people.

The Lucknow based institution issued the fatwa on an application moved by local businessman Sajid Umar, who had sought Firangi Mahal's verdict on the issue.

According to Firangi Mahal chief Maulana Khalid Rasheed , who was also the Imam of Lucknow's Idgah, "Sajid Umar wanted to know what Islam had to say about those people who were attacking places of worship and killing innocent people in cold blood."

The Maulana ruled, "There was absolutely no room for terrorism in Islam and murder of one innocent person amounted to murder of entire humanity."

.....While emphasising that, "Islam has always laid stress on peace and harmony," the Maulana's fatwa added, "If any Muslim causes harm to any place of worship of indulges in killing of innocent people, Islam would regard it as the worst possible crime and the Shariat would consider it absolutely unlawful."[link]
-------

For a 400 year old leading seminary, I've never heard of this place. But as long as it's anti-anti I am cool.

Elsewhere Sani Mirza is all set to team up with Israel's Shahar Peer. I am waiting for some Noor Mohammed from Hyderabad to get all worked up about Islam's position on the same.

[Crossposted at Indian Muslims. Some problem with uploading the image there. Please be gentle with the crappy artwork. God knows I've touched MS-Paint after years and Miss D'Souza from Std V(Div E) knows I lost second rank cuz I failed in my drawing exams]