We need to talk...

..and then you need to shut up! Yes, I am talking to all of you, calling yourself Muslims going around burning embassies, resulting in deaths. Enough already, okay? How many of you even realise the irony behind the senseless violence against some shitty cartoons. The whole idea behind why Islam prohibits explicit pictures and images of Prophets is to avoid his deification, to remind you that he was after all human. That he was subjected to the same insults and humiliation and was prepared to take it on his chin if required. By your strong idiotic reactions, you, the rioters(not peaceful protesters, rioters) have not only semi-justified the cartoons but in a way also put the Prophet on a pedestal. Had the Prophet been alive, he would have himself condemnded this collective stupidity being portrayed under the pretext of protecting his name and honour. Now I am not going to spray over all his quotes and teachings, but just pick up any book and read the story of his life and read his teachings and read how he behaved with non-Muslims, even those who committed indecent acts against him, insulted him in public; how he won over them with compassion, love and understanding, rather than tit-for-tat hatred, and you'll know what it means. Read the Taif episode. Damn it, go back and read how he treated the old lady, who contrary to her daily practice of dumping her garbage on the Prophet, one day missed to do so. And later when the Prophet went on to enquire about her health, he found to her embarrassment that she was ill that day. Kill with kindness, not violence. That is the message.

So if you want to protest, do so by writing back to the editor. Flood their e/mailboxes. Write articles and give interviews and explain that not all Muslims are terrorists and not all terrorists are Muslims (for that matter tell them there are innocent Sikhs who wear turbans too). Stage peaceful protests and rallies outside JP's office. If they don't apologise, bring pressure on their govts. and the embassy officials in general by using diplomatic means. That is why you have their embassies in your countries you morons. It's not for burning. It's for protesting. It's for giving the embassy staff a welcome break from the routine zombie work that goes on there. To let them know that some rougue elements from their home countries are playing it dirty. So go register a protest. If this doesn't work, form a party and chose your representative. Elect him in the next local council elections or whatever to better represent your side of argument. Don't shout from the top of minarets of local mosque, shout in the assembly hall. If all this still doesn't work, and you think you are a spent force, go home and pray to Allah. You've done your part. Burning buildings and cars and whatever you set your sight on and having innocents killed in the process is only hurting the cause of those who are trying to help the situation. And it's not helping the cause of hundreds of thousands of others who are silently watching this drama unfold in horror and wondering when will this madness stop.

And while we are on the topic, please develop a sense of humour. Yes, quite a few of us need to shed our closed oh-so-fragile humorless ghetto existence, come out of our holes and watch the sun once in a while. Just read the headlines from three different newspapers, and you'll realise there is a lot going in this world that can make you laugh. Ease up a bit. Life doesn't revolve around rituals. The very essence of a a good life is to live through the ups and downs and array of experiences. Otherwise the Prophet wouldn't have stopped you from becoming hermits. Only by interacting with society we'll be able to change ourselves and influence others. That is how progress is made. Even if we concede that these cartoons were not humorous, there are any number of cases where the Muslim community just jumps in to demand apologies at the slightest hint of something they disapprove of. I'll tell you why we need humour. Because humour is a great weapon to deflect shit back on to those who first send it your way. But alas, as of today, it's too much to ask from Muslims to do that and to dream about such a state is to delude oneself in an utopian world. One lives in hope.

To Jyllands-Posten and all those who reprinted the cartoons
You have as much right to print those cartoons as some people who are protesting by boycotting products from your country. I understand it's totally idiotic and unnecessarily harsh on businessmen from your country who have nothing to do with you, but under the circumstances you and your governments haven't left any room to negotiate on their behalf. You can't screw around with Jack and ask for Jill's hand in marriage. No siree, Jack and Jill tumble down together. So please save your tears. Too bad those businesses who export to Islamic countries are suffering the wrath on your behalf while you go on paid leave. World economy is increasingly getting globalised. So if globalisation has its benefits, it also has its downfalls. This is one of them. Atleast it will make the business class on either side, who are losing their revenues, to show some stick to their respective govts, to take steps to avoid such things in future. Boycotting products by using this broad-brush approach is the least desirable method, but when you insist on not letting it go, then you can't cry when you receive such an extreme response.

Ofcourse, there is absolutely no defense for burning embassies, rioting, the works and it should be strongly condemned without mincing any words.

Amidst all this mayhem and bloodbath, very few people have pointed out the real reason why the cartoons are offensive. And increasingly I am seeing more and more Islamophobic venom spreading across discussion forums, and many neutral observers who have nothing to do with this are coming across with just one side of the view. All along you've been hearing that the cartoons are offensive just because they depict Prophet Mohammed in a pictorial form, right? Right? Wrong! Many of us understand the need to illustrate religious figures in drawings and pictures. We also understand the need to caricature and desire to express it in a parody, humour or satire. We understand your freedom to be not bound by regulations of Islam. We are not idiots, we understand all of that. I am sure if the editors of JP would have simply portrayed the Prophet with a turban walking under a hot sun in some la-la-desert land with some Arabic-camel-humour spin on it, none of this would've happened. But this was not the case. Their goal was not to be funny or stand up for free expression but to be provocative and offensive, and hence it was laced with choicest Islamophobic bigotry. After all why was there a need to have a time-bomb ticking on that turban? And mind you not just a simple turban, but one which has Islam's first line (kalma) written on it. By God we don't need no more towel-head violence. JP, you know it very well. Don't act as if you are unaware of it. Don't tell me that you are unaware of Denmark's controversial history about anti-Muslim-immigrants hostility. And no less than your queen has publicly called upon Danes to "show opposition to Islam". Had she asked to fight the radical elements, I would've stood next to her, but by opposing the whole of Islam, she's also opposing me. Last I remember I have done no wrong. And I think of myself as a good Muslim. So suck it up. And let's not even go down your past where you declined to print anti-Christ cartoons because it could "result in an outcry" because I don't believe in this tit-for-tat equal opportunity hate against all. Under such circumstance don't expect me to stand by your pseduo-struggle of freedom of expression. Free speech doesn't exist in a vaccum. It doesn't exist even in your bedrooms when you are with your wife. Try telling her that she is fat. Or that you cheated on her. And later excuse yourself by throwing the "I was just being funny" line. Hell will hath no fury for the rest of your unfunny lives. So how can it exist when you are dealing across borders and religions. Absolute free speech exists only on a mountain top. All your arguments to the contrary are baseless. Just ask anyone in France who wants to make anti-Semitic statements. Ask anyone who wants to deny Holocaust(as idiotic an idea as it already is), in those European nations where it is a crime to do so. Even the well acknowledged Iranian rad prez can't deny Holocaust in his own country without someone raising a stink? Then why do you think you are above all of that? Ask this guy why was he arrested for protesting against the cartoons in a manner similar to what you choose, by dressing himself up as a fake suicide bomber. After all he was simply dressing up in reality the way you portrayed him on paper. Where is the need to get offended by it? Ask the relatives of 7/7 victims why it hurt their sensibilities to see this guy's photos. Damn it, ask Beverly Young, wife of Repubican representative C.W.Young who got arrested at Bush's annual State Of The Union speech for wearing a T-shirt that said, "Support Our Troops - Defending Our Freedom". How ironic is that? If you still want to go ahead and defend absolute free speech sure proceed ahead. But if you do that you are a moron, unarguably, and I am only exercising my right to free expression when I say so. Yeah, take that!

Thanks to both of you, JP & ilk and those who are rioting, my life will be much more easier the next time when I fly, or board a train, or admire the intricate design patterns in museum domes or simply roam around downtown streets on a lazy Sunday with a camera in hand. My life will be easier if I ever try to read Urdu poetry in public. My life will be easier when I introduce myself to a group of people and quite naturally some of them take a special liking to my surname. If not my celebrity skin colour or frail short terrorist like body structure, I am double-checked because I sport a Muslim name. And so is the case with million others like me. To hell with you'll if you think all of it is just a coincidence.

Having said all this, in hindsight in some twisted sense, there is some positive take-out from all this. It brought out moderate Danes who stand for Another Denmark. It brought out a multitude of moderate Muslim voices who are Sorry for Norway and Denmark. It brought out peaceful protesters by thousands who are there to voice their anger in the right way, who are writing petitions and articles all across trying to engage in a dialogue. Sure, they are outnumbered by the radicals, but atleast this time there is a semblance of quite a motley group of sensible individuals.

Jyllands-Posten & ilk: You may now resume your post-cartoons life defending the "free speech" for the rest of your existence.
All you rioteers: Shut up already and get a triple dose of humour like there is no tomorrow. And this is as good a time as any, so read this:

"I have always held the religion of Muhammad in high estimation because of its wonderful vitality. It is the only religion which appears to me to possess that assimilating capacity to the changing phase of existence which can make itself appeal to every age. I have studied him - the wonderful man and in my opinion far from being an anti-Christ, he must be called the Saviour of Humanity. I believe that if a man like him were to assume the dictatorship of the modern world, he would succeed in solving its problems in a way that would bring it the much needed peace and happiness: I have prophesied about the faith of Muhammad that it would be acceptable to the Europe of tomorrow as it is beginning to be acceptable to the Europe of today."
~~~ Now that's funny (or not) by my fav. quotist-who-never fails, George Bernard Shaw.